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Edward S. Brown III

The fine art of the lady's man has been lost to the brutish and unsophisticated ways of contemporary society. Famed libertine and lover, Giacomo Casanova, relayed the secret of his feminine conquests in his memoirs by saying he merely struck up a conversation and began chatting. At first blush you might ask," What was he chatting about that would make him the most revered lover in human history?" By today's standards, the mere idea of successfully dating the opposite sex may take on different dimensions. For example, with the changing roles of women and the proliferation of information, could Casanova thrive in today's market? At first glimpse, one could assert that he would not. Certainly a "rap" of hundreds of years ago would not go over well in today's society or would it? We should first ask the questions as to how much has human nature changed over the years. Has the essential motivation of women changed since the days of Casanova? A strong argument could be made that it has not. If Casanova merely struck up conversations with women then the social dynamics have not changed, although the quality of the content may have been altered. In short, Casanova's success stemmed from his ability to understand human nature and tap into the needs and desires of women. During Casanova's days where women were relegated to property in many instances, it would seem easy for contemporary men to 'woo" women with innovative charm. The fact is that contemporary man has not evolved to appreciate the sophistication behind successfully engaging and dating women.

Overwhelmingly, single women complain about the challenge of finding men who can communicate on a level as to elevate and inspire them to higher heights. Even a man who thrives on his base instincts could relate to the notion that once you stimulate the mind, the body will follow. Thinking on a higher plain, if a woman's mind is stimulated then she is more inclined to make the man a priority in her life. Thus her body goes where she feels the most comfortable and gains the most value. The way to a woman's heart is through her mind. This postulate seems pretty straight forward, yet many men have not mastered the art of effectively engaging women. True enough, the contemporary woman is dramatically different than her 18th century counterpart. However, her core desire to be respected, supported and listened to have not changed. As the saying goes, "the more things change, the more they stay the same." Many men have not evolved commensurate with women and thus find themselves inept in their ability to bring value in their lives, especially since they are no longer needed financially. Borrowing a precept from Casanova, men have to become better at communicating to women verbally and nonverbally.

The keys to effectively communicating with women take on a life of their own. Not so much because women are too complex, but for the different reasons a woman considers when choosing men as date material. The days of courting a woman where the family was involved in the process is long gone. During those times, marriage was more of a merger of two families. A woman left her father's protective environment to join her husband. There were essentially no blinders. The two families knew each other's status and background and operated accordingly. It made for a system of few surprises. Contrast this with today's dating scene where a woman meets a man at a nightclub or the Produce section at the local grocery store. She goes into the exchange with limited information and all she knows is what he tells her. Couple this with the inclination of people not to reveal their true intentions and what you have is essentially a risk. Many men don't take this phenomenon into consideration because they are devoid of the same concerns. A man doesn't concern himself with the mental instability of a crazed individual if the relationship goes awry. In many respects, the woman merely has to be attractive and that's limited information is needed from that point. They throw caution to the wind for immediate gratification. In communicating with a woman, you are not having a conversation merely with her, but with all her life's experiences with the opposite sex. She often has been frustrated, disappointed and betrayed as a result. The initial conversations have to take this into consideration or you are fighting an uphill battle no matter how "nice" you are. To begin piercing the layers to effectively communicate with women, there are a few things you can do to become more engaging.

1. Educate yourself and become polished -- In high school, the cool guys always got the girls! Unfortunately, the cool guys were often the underachievers who brought more adventure to the table than substance. They typically were not the ones who transferred their colorful personalities into success. As years elapsed, women became more interested in a man's intellect over his delivery of smooth lines. To gain the respect of women and thus their love, you must be an insightful reader. A well read man needs less of the accouterments of cars, money and clothes as the precursor for wooing women. They are nice additions, but not the end within themselves. To invoke cerebral conversation from a well-groomed mind is very engaging to women. Even if the woman is currently involved in a relationship, she will not forget the depth of the discussion. Ultimately, the educated and polished man leaves a positive impression and is patient enough to see his efforts come to fruition, if not now, later. Become a voracious reader and you have attained most of the tools you need to engage women.

2. Develop a sense of flair and confidence--Women have emphasized the point that they find confidence very sexy. The man who is self -assured and likes who he is does so effortlessly. This is not the stereotypical "macho" type whose outmoded sensibilities are presumed to be "manly". No, the confident man has grown to appreciate his evolution as being multi-faceted. He embodies a sense of security, which makes him dependable as well as adventurous as he tackles new and interesting challenges. His flair comes through expressing his individuality without justification. He is concerned about what others think only to the extent of not embarrassing himself. The confident man is not the product of happenstance, but the culmination of a methodically planned process.

3. Listen to her words and essence--A fun game to play with meeting someone is, "Let me tell you about you." Essentially, you analyze past conversations you have had and give a composite of your impressions. Fundamentally, the impressions will be positive or you wouldn't invest the time and energy to get acquainted. If you weigh human nature with personal background and experiences, you can capture a person's essence and therefore determine what motivates them. People are often not as complex as they suggest once you read the "blueprint" of how they developed. When a woman feels that you have gotten to know her through listening, winning her love and affection is not far behind. The mistake that many men make is in not getting to know a woman.

4. Read nonverbal cues---Over 50% of language is unspoken. Our body language speaks volumes of what we feel before we utter one word. One of the greatest skills a man can possess is reading body language. A woman will often reveal her interest through her eyes and behavior. A preoccupied demeanor generally connotes disinterest or at best "bad timing." On the contrary, participation and engagement exemplifies interest, if not merely for the conversation. Remember, women often do not experience highly cerebral conversations from the average man, even if she is in a relationship and thus appreciates the opportunity. Your responsibility is not to use your newfound skills to break up relationships, but to add value in the free flow of intellectual dialogue. If she is available, things will take its natural course.

Casanova's greatest gift to humanity was his ability to connect with women. From the average man's perspective, that is a feat within itself. Today's man is still trying to discover what his new position should be with the changing roles of the sexes. Should he compliment his attractive female counterpart without it being labeled, "sexual harassment?" Does the corporate woman, who seems untouchable, share the same needs and desires as other women? Does the woman who will support and nurture the man of vision against the forces of mediocrity exist? These may be societal or self-induced fears, but Casanova conquered his fears by merely doing one things-- striking up a conversation.

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